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In Zinaida's absence I pined: I could not concentrate: I
could not do the simplest thing. For whole days I did nothing but think
intensely about her. I pined away, but her presence brought me no relief. I
was jealous and felt conscious of my worthlessness. I was stupidly sulky, and
stupidly abject; (52)
As a result of his obsession, Vladimir became a basket case who could do nothing
for himself...
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I
was jealous and felt conscious of my worthlessness. I was stupidly sulky, and
stupidly abject; (52)
As a result of his obsession, Vladimir became a basket case who could do nothing
for himself. By allowing himself to become so wrapped up in her, he no longer
had any feelings of self worth. The conflicting feelings of passion and pain
struck fear into him:
It was a queer, feverish period; the most violently conflicting feelings,
thoughts, suspicions, hopes, joys, pains, tossed and whirled within me in a kind
of mad chaos: I was afraid of looking into myself, if a boy of sixteen can be
said to do such a thing; I was afraid to face anything - whatever it might be -
consciously...
Essay fragment
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